Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Let's Play the Memory Game!

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory of me. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!
2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty fun to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

The Best

It's summer and that means a season of city festivals and bbq. For those who don't know, I run a bbq concession with my family at city festivals. We usually serve a pulled pork sandwich and you put on your own sauce. We have plenty of sauce choices: smoky, spicy, sweet, jamaican jerk, aussie, tennessee and honey mustard. Maybe we have too many choices.

Anyway, my dad pointed out something that people kept saying at the Springville Art City Days last year. When it came time to 'sauce it up" they would ask, "Which is the best?"

Which is the best? Well, let me think about that. If I knew which sauce is the best, then why do I offer 5-7 sauce choices? Do I know you, a stranger, well enough to know what your palate is? I don't know how to answer this question without sounding like a smart-ass. Now, I don't want to offend the customer and make them feel stupid, because, well, they just spent money at my booth. But again, Which is the best?

I try to say, "Well, I don't know what you like, but, my favorite is..." or I ramble on about how "I like the spicy, my kids like the smoky and my husband likes the sweet, so even we can't decide which is the best." Or Kyle answers with, "The most popular is...."

Now, I'm ok with the people who ask "Which do you like?" or "Which is your favorite" or "Which do you think is the best?" These are opinion specific questions. I can answer these.

But the ubiquitous , "Which is the best?"...

You don't know yourself well enough to know if you like spicy, sweet or smoky? We usually invite the customer to do a taste test to decide which they believe to be "the best".

Last year, I even made up a bottle with the label, "The Best" and hid it. Then when a customer would ask, "Which is the best" I could whip it out and say, "Why, this is the best." (The secret to "The Best" sauce is, you just take all the sauces and mix them together.)

Occasionally we will get a variation to the question of "Which is the best?" and that is, "Which one is good?" Do they honestly think I would put out a sauce that is wretched? Do they think I'm trying to trick them? Like I've got a bottle of gym sock sauce or burning tire sauce? Inversely, we've never gotten a customer who asks, "Which is the worst?"

So, I've come to the conclusion that people are either scared or lazy. Too scared to try something new and afraid that they won't like it. Or, too lazy to try things for themselves. They just want everything handed to them. I wonder about these people. Do they go to McDonald's and ask the cashier "Which is the best?"

Monday, July 14, 2008

Doctors & Friends

Recently my husband Kyle went to the doctor for a visit. He had a fungal infection in his toe (he probably doesn't want me to tell you this). He banged his toe pretty good a couple of years ago and has been susceptible to infections ever since. A good soak in Epsom Salt helps. Anyway, the doctor gave him an antibiotic for the toe. Then, he's been battling tendonitis in his hands for a number of years. The doctor wanted to X-ray his hands and do blood work to make sure that he didn't have rheumatoid arthritis. Kyle's grandmother had that. Then he also had patches of psoriasis and got a steroid cream for that. They also wanted to check his blood work to see that he didn't have psoriatic arthritis. Then recently he has had back pain. Turns out he has kidney stones. They did a CT scan on him and checked on those.

The doctor noted on how he had 4 things wrong with him. The doctor joked that I might want to look into upgrading to a newer model. When Kyle told me about his doctor appointments I said, "You're falling apart on me and you aren't even 40!" Kyle's work buddy reminded me that I won't be upgrading from a minivan to a ferarri. It will just be a newer model minivan.

Now, after all this we go visit my sister. She's recently divorced and has entered the dating scene. She was telling Kyle and I all sorts of storied about the guys she has met. She even discusses it on her blog. Anyway, after this, I go home and start both a facebook and myspace page and this blog. I've connected with my family and some old friends from school and church back home in Indiana.

Kyle comments that I've seen how much fun my sister is having with the singles scene, that I have begun cruising for my upgrade. I assure him that I am only connecting with old friends. I feel that I have work acquaintances but no real friends. I consider Shelley to be my best friend, but we can go months without talking to each other just because our schedules are so busy. One will call the other and then we'll realize how long its been since the last conversation or get together. I have friends or acquaintances at church, but no one that we really get together with outside of church activities.

I miss having a group of buddies, of having a confidant, of being part of a group. I want what my parents had when I was growing up. They had friends that they would get together with for birthday dinners, Halloween parties, double dates, etc. I'm ready to graduate to adulthood friends.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


I can neither confirm nor deny that I have taken part in any of the following pranks pulled by Lee Harvey Oswald.

-stuffed pick-up truck with newspaper and balloons, wrapped truck in Saran Wrap then stuck Oreos on it, then wrapped truck with toilet paper.

-stole Pez dispenser from friend, sent Pez dispenser on world wide tour, returned Pez dispenser along with a photo album of trip and a road trip mix tape.

-decorated office with Pez and tootsie rolls. Hopefully recipient is still finding tootsie rolls even today.

-taped butcher paper over door frame, filled space between paper and door with popcorn.

-placed Harry Potter banner wishing recipient a Happy 40th Birthday. Banner held up by brooms. By the way, recipient hates Harry Potter.

-place large silhouette of Charlie's Angels and speaker box on lawn wishing recipient Happy 40th Birthday. Recipient did not like the Charlie's Angels movie.

-wrapped El Camino in toilet paper and placed flaming bag of dog poo by driver's side door after recipient complained that Lee Harvey Oswald spent more time on other people's birthdays than their own spouse.

-"enrolled" recipient in "Dessert of the Month Club". All desserts were made of pumpkin. Recipient hates pumpkin.

-large poster of a french pig wishing recipient Happy 40th Birthday attached to fence. Recipient had served a french speaking mission, and collected pigs. Also left a stuffed pig wearing a lava lava. Recipient's spouse is polynesian.

-heart attacked recipient with hearts staked out on lawn and house. Left teddy bear with a heart as a souvenir.

-giant milk carton on lawn with a photo of "missing" recipient as they had lost their youth.

-high school photo of recipient wearing wrestling unitard published in local paper wishing recipient Happy 40th Birthday.

-had local businesses wish recipient Happy Birthday on their marquees.

-Filled recipient's car with 40 tribbles, and posted large sign in yard wishing Happy 40th Birthday a la Star Trek. "40, the final frontier."

-placed head of hobby horse in recipient's bed a la Godfather after recipient ratted out spouse to the recipient of Harry Potter prank.

-built graveyard on recipient's lawn a la Simpson's treehouse of horror opening. Later that day had a wake for recipient complete with coffin, black drapes covering framed pictures and mirrors, and had a small shrine of candles and pictures of recipient. Also, served funeral potatoes.

-pimped out red El Camino with brown leopard print seat covers and steering wheel cover. Pinned bright pink dingle balls along dash. Blue fuzzy dice hung from rearview mirror. Large purple pimp hat in driver's seat. Passenger seat had blow up doll wearing teal teddy and an orange sash embroidered with "Sweet Sassy Molassy".

-recipient received Happy Easter card with Easter crossed out and Birthday written in. Card had burnt edges, sticky jelly and hair stuck to it. It was place in an envelope of the wrong size. Written in card the statement that further birthday pranks would be suspended due to budgetary constraints and lack of interest.

-placed on front porch of recipient an old toilet with a flower planted in tank and a frog sitting on edge of tank holding a fishing pole. In bowl of toilet a fish.

-sent recipient 40 free catalogs ranging in interests from swimming pool accessories (recipient does not have a pool) to wine (recipient is LDS) for their 4oth birthday. Recipient saved 40 catalogs and gave back to sender as a Christmas present. (This was obviously an inside job)

-recipient plays trumpet. Left on porch a large sign wishing recipient Happy Birthday with tweaked nursery rhyme of Little Boy Blue, and a picture of girl in blue playing trumpet. Also left bag of Bugles.

Do you realize how loud duct tape is at midnight? Or for that matter how loud popcorn is against a door in February at midnight?