So my sister recently posted that someone thought her marriage was in trouble, but that she's fine, really. I know that she has asked our mother, "So, how's your marriage?" It got me thinking about how we perceive other couples.
There are some couples that I look at and think, "More power to you. I could never be married to him/her." Then there are couples that I hear are getting divorced and I think, "Wow, I didn't even know they were having problems." And of course there are the couples that I hear are having problems or hear they are getting divorced and I think, "Yeah I coulda told you it wouldn't last" or "It was only a matter of time" or "No surprise here."
I wonder what other people think about my marriage to Kyle. Are they thinking that they couldn't have married either of us, do they think we are having problems?
I know that there are things that we need to improve on. We need to communicate better, we need to make time for just the two of us, and we need to get to the temple together more often. Now, I have never been that diligent in the house cleaning department. I am kind of a slacker and kinda lazy. Lately I've been able to use the excuse that I work and go to school, so Kyle has picked up the slack, but I know that he's getting burned out since he too works all day. Kyle has also been picking up some overtime-hours at night. So he comes home by 5pm. I get home around 7pm or later. He'll go back to work at about 8pm for a couple of hours.
We are kind of in a transition phase since I am going to school. My classes are in the evening so I don't see the family very much. I spend my mornings doing homework and studying, but I try to include a little housekeeping too. I have one more year and then I graduate. Then as I start making the big bucks things will hopefully settle down and we can get into a routine. I feel like my family is haphazard in housecleaning, family prayer, family home evening, family scripture reading, and date nights.
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Chore chart time. Make them simple and doable.
ReplyDeleteAll pitch in for saturday work.
Laundry done by the older ones: their own and the towels. Then one night an older one does a younger one's laundry. Pair them up for the cleaning too.
Sweep family room and living room floor teamed with taking out the trash.
The Kitchen and dining room is one chore.
The Bathroom is one chore.
Kitchen broken down to setting and clearing the table, sweep floor, doing dishes.
Bathroom broken down to clean the mirror, clean the tub, clean the sink, clean the toilet, clean the floor. These are just suggestions. Make it attainable and then the saturday work doesn't take so long.
i know what you mean about marriages and divorces. there are certain people that i was shocked to learn were separating and thinking about divorce. a couple of years ago i got an email about a couple that was divorced. we didn't know anything about it until it was all done. derek was shocked, but i wasn't. i knew that there had been problems for years, and hearing that they were now divorced was not really surprising. lately, i had a friend divorce. that was a total shock to me. derek and i were friends with them and we'd had game nights with them before. everything seemed just fine, but yet it wasn't. we just weren't shown the other side of their marriage. yeah, derek and i were both shocked at that split. i think that you and kyle fall into that category. if you ever split up i would be shocked. i guess it's because i don't think either of you is hard to get along with.
ReplyDeleteYou obviously have a really supportive husband. If you ever feel like it you should pick a Saturday and I will help you clean and we could study or something.
ReplyDeleteI didn't wanna tell you this... but, yeah. when I look at you and Kyle, I usually think, "I could never be married to Naomi!" lol!!!!! well, or any lady! here are some of my thoughts - and as a divorcee i feel i hold certain credentials, haha! For years I hid many, many things from the "outsiders looking in". Those closest to me probably knew more than they should, because I don't think I always hid things very well. The reasons for hiding if your marriage is rocky? Several. 1) to protect the children. 2) to protect you/your spouse. seriously. I mean, what if I went around saying my husband was a jerk, but then we ended up getting counseling and really making a go of it. People don't always know that you're in counseling or that things are better. all they know is that "he's a jerk". So you want to be loyal so that if it does work out you haven't burned any bridges. That being said...
ReplyDeleteI see more into other couples relationships now that I am divorced than before. there are little "isms" in every relationship. The knowing looks, indicating an "inside joke" or the "i get you" or "i love you". There are the little touches... Like, when he walks by her does he touch her arm? I am not saying all couples do this... but usually the ones who are not happy don't. they are too busy trying to put on that happy-face front, the isms are usually long gone by then.
People said we didn't "fit" or that we never "matched". Personality wise I see that. However, opposites do attract on some levels.
One last thing, and then I'll leave this comment-turned-post-attention-seeking-comment be.
Funny thing about perceptions... 2 summers ago, when I was up at girls camp one of my YW said something to me about dating HatDude. (she reads my blog) we talked about dating, etc. there was this audible gasp. several of the YW said, "You're DIVORCED?" I said, "yes. for about 7 1/2 months now." then there was a second round of gasps and another group of YW said, "You mean you used to be married?" so - there ya go! some didnt know i was married since they never saw him at church, and some who lived right around me never knew i was divorced.
the sad thing for me, is looking back even when things were not at their worst... we never had our own "isms". Even Big-D and I have "isms"...
sorry - i forgot to say (and i promise this will be it) I was totally kidding about not being married to you bit. nothing against you personally.... just that you're a girl and then being my sister and all... that'd be kinda weird. and then, no matter what clues or cues we think we can pick up on from or regarding other couples about their marriage...the view is usually different from the outside looking in than from the inside looking out.
ReplyDelete**sigh** guess i should wrote my own blog post about this. sorry.
I'm glad to see EmmaP turned you down gently. LOL!!! Marriages are funny things. Some couples seem to make it and you look at them and you think, I would have never thought they'd even be friends they're so different. Hinsdales are like that for me. Then there are the ones you just know are going to make, they are perfect for each other. I think my parents are like that. They bring out the best in each other. You and Kyle are like that too. I don't think there could be anybody else for either one of you. I think every marriage will have hard times but they just have to work through them if it's important to them.
ReplyDeleteEmma, we could not be married to each other because we either have the same phobias and hang-ups or they are competing phobias and hang-ups. So many things would not get accomplished due to: who would do them, or we would fight about whose takes precedent.
ReplyDeleteoh, Kyle has told me that he would not divorce me because the Child Support he would have to pay for 4 children would be outrageous.
ReplyDelete